Who is a Man?

It is often described about how difficult it is to understand women. About how women are like the electrical circuit with numerous wires, and about how an unintended press of the wrong switch could trigger a nuclear reaction. However, in the attempt to over emphasize the mystery of un-understandable women, what has been ignored (doubtfully deliberately) is the fact that the mind of Man is equally an unexplored fortress too.

Be it the hunter-gatherer, or the family head, Man has historically been seen as the protector. The need to protect his clan makes him to push the "man" inside him deeper, hiding his emotions. And getting hurt, yet putting on a brave face.

Who is He?

Man, from the vantage point of a woman, is just another person like her, with a very different approach to emotions. While he knows that being expressive would actually be easier on him, he refuses to let go of his guard, not to be seen as easily breakable. Thus, he tends to build a wall around him, burying his demons of fear and insecurity deep inside, lest nobody sees them. If ever he feels that his wall is breached, he builds another guard - anything to protect his vulnerabilities from giving him away.

He never has had a good relationship with his emotions, as he always tries to suppress them. Often, he is overcautious of any other woman treading his path. This causes him to miss a woman's perspective on his life's choices. May be that is why most often he falls for the wrong woman. The ensuing heartbreak is actually his emotions' way of getting even with him. For had he listened to what his emotions tell him, he wouldn't have had to build wall after wall, in an attempt to protect his damaged soul.

A strong woman knows that behind the man's hard exterior wall, lies a soft tender and fragile core. She knows exactly where man's vulnerabilities lie. But then, she also knows how to approach the wall. Not by gatecrashing or breaking it, but by persistently and confidently seeking permission to enter every single barrier she faces. Respecting the wall he builds, and respecting the time he takes to respond to every knock.

The man is initially freaked out that a woman could actually approach his wall, something that he has so painstakingly built. He responds by hastily building another wall. He hears her knocking, and he responds in painful pregnant silence. He does not intend to be cruel, but he needs to introspect; he wants to really know if he is ready to allow another person into his life, and if she is worthy of entering his wall. He cannot afford to risk breaking his heart yet again. And yet, there she is, and he is awed by her understanding of his silence. He realises, that she might be the one, who wouldn't mock at his vulnerabilities but would live them with him. He decides to give it a try, one last time.

He unlocks the door. She enters, and he feels his wall give away. But she holds them for him. Wordlessly, she becomes a part of his wall. He is pleasantly surprised; as she respects the boundaries of his wall even as she enters it. She seems to know him in ways he has never known himself before, yet she let him be. He never asks her to stay, yet he truly knows that she would never leave. From hard and brittle, he sees his wall becoming firm and strong. He feels his guard relaxing, and he knows that with her, he can be the man he actually is, the boy he actually wants to be.

It does take time, a lot of time, for a man to break open his shell and allow a woman a space in his heart. However once he does, he never lets her go. Never ever. And if destiny plays in ways that she ever leaves, he crumbles. To dust. 

But he is who he is, so he picks up his pieces, and builds his walls from the dust, all over again. Remembering the words of Rudyard Kipling -

"If you can- watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stop to build 'em up with worn out tools:"..

- he builds his wall even stronger this time.
Never again, he resolves, and yet the boy in him yearns for that little knock..

For he, is a man who hopes. A man who lives. A man who is.